November 30, 2003
Okay, that's it, folks. November '03 is 6 hours to being history.
Amazing, isn't it? It's the time of the year again to stand under the misletoe and kiss.
This time of the year is one of my favourite. It's like love is in the air, peace prevails, everyone is in a generous and thoughtful mood. It's almost like a collective and prolonged sigh that we've all pulled through yet another year. Bravo, everyone!
'Cept that this December, something else is in the air. No, not SARS, thank you very much.
Excitement is in the air, and it only gets thicker as everyday draws nearer to X'mas!
LOTR: Return of the King! Kudos to those of you who guessed it! Well done! Words are not apt to describe the excitement and anticipation and happiness and euphoria that any ardent LOTR fan has towards 18th December 2003. Ho Ho Ho... Santa in the form of Tolkien! Ok, and Peter Jackson too.
To add to that, I'd be joining the workforce come mid December, as a PA. I have all the reasons to be excited, I think. A new job, a new office, new colleagues, new environment, new learning experience, new exposure, not to mention a new contributor for my depleting bank balance.
But, considering it's my first permanent job (for the 1st time in my life, it wouldn't be wrong to term myself as 'gainfully employed'), I have all the reasons to be intimidated too. I'm under the direct assessment of one of the directors in my new company. I'm part of the management level of this new office in this rather 'controversial' (quoted from Meisen) public listed firm. I have absolutely no estimation of how much mountains and seas lie in a PA's job scope. I have no prior secretarial experience. Ha! I am one of those clueless fresh grads being thrown into the real world to see how reality deviates from theories. My only consolation being Eugene's 5 golden words "It's not impossible to do".
However, some things in life do seem impossible to accomplish. Like, getting my fellow 'Chua's to participate in the youth group's activities. I sometimes wonder, do cultural roots matter no more to our youths today? Have we entered the era of rapid advancement, rapid globalisation/westernization and rapid cultural depletion that the same activity organised by the neighbours are always preferred to the one organised by the family?
Then again, at the meeting today, Uncle Daniel has assured me that the situation I'm in is a very typical one and that in fact, I've made small but significant steps in forming a real youth group, with real youths. Is that so? I don't know. I only lament what I see and experience - passivity from the members, among whom are a few wet blankets.
Maybe my belief will run out of its use-by date, maybe not. But, being still in the prime of my lofty and idealistic years, I say, 'I've nothing to lose'.
Moreover, there has got to be bigger things in life than counting your losses, right? Like... standing under the misletoe and kiss... hehe
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 18:23
November 28, 2003
Hardly half the day has passed. I must be in a pretty reflective mood on tis rainy afternoon.
Love & dating...1
I noticed that the age for coupledom is becoming younger and younger. I saw a couple, whose age I wouldn't put past 15, when I was waiting at the bus stop. My, what was I doing when I was their age? Definitely not holding hands and embracing some guy taller than me by a head in public. In our time, ok, my time, 14 years old girls go to a lot of trouble to act nonchalant and even fierce in front of guyz they like. Didn't we? Much ado about nothing.
Envy. Because their particpation in coupledom begins so early, at an age when if they said, 'I love you's, they probably really mean it. Albeit not knowing yet how shallow their idea of love can be. But, their youth gives them the guts to sprinkle the 3 words like the huge rain that is outside my humble shelter now. Why would they care how others, like me, look at them when obviously being in love means cooping up in the LittleBubble4Two?
After a few falls in this school, the good thing is, we tend to begin to trust our idea of love is much more profound and encompassing and hence, cherish it better. Bad thing is that something that we so cherish, we won't give it easily.
Gone are the days in which boy comes up to girl and asks girl, 'hey, you wanna go steady?' and one day, in the same casual manner, 'Let's break'. Girl cries and girlfriends start spreading rumours in school that boy is a bastard. But, girl gets a steady the next week and the cycle is renewed.
How simple love and dating used to be!
Information and Technology...1
Do you have friends or family members who are practically 'unreachable' even though they are supposed to have their handphones with them where ever they are? I don't know why some people bothered to carry handphones when apparently their handphones are not serving their purpose in this techno-driven world.
Do you always follow up on missed calls, particularly those whose number you are familiar with? I don't know why some people can tell you 'I didn't call you back cos I don't know why you called me for' after being found out that they have been un-contactable. It's really lame. If you are only interested in being contacted on a telepathy level, why bother contributing to the annual profits of Singtel/M1/Starhub?
Do you find yourself having to 'chat' using SMS when you really just want to be left in 'silent' mode? I don't know why some people has no time to jog round the block but has all the time in the world to do finger (to b specific, thumb) exercises. Seriously, won't a lot of emergencies be better handled, feelings be better conveyed if you juz call the person and speak your mind instead of letting your thumb do the talking?
Technology has arrived to bring convenience. Why do I find that it has only made it more difficult for me to stay in touch with people, on a personal level?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 15:31
November 23, 2003
GV Marina, theatre 3. Was it J 15 and 16 or some other alphabet? never mind...
Show: Matrix Revolutions
Companion: Shaohao (hey! see ur name feature in my blog! hehe)
- Switch my hp to silent first... good habit.
- School of Rock? Looks like a show Meisen will definitely be catching. Looks nice too.
- Brother Bear. Oh, maybe can bring the kids to watch this show. but, Elroy failed his Chinese! Again! I see no justification to reward him. tsk.
- Wah, so many commercials, and all getting more and more lame.
- Ok, here's the show. Now, quick recall, what happened during the last bit of Reloaded?
- Nice train station.
- Frenchmen... why is it the Frenchmen? Is the show trying to imply something about the French?
- Oh gosh, Trin and Neo are kissing again. Puhlease, gimme a break. I hope there won't be so many kissing scenes in this episode. It's so darn boring.
- Good. At least, they din try to fool us all by having Neo and Trin trying to stop/dissuade each other from going to the machine city. I mean, c'mon! We all know they simply HAVE to go together rite?!
- Oracle... that all knowing woman who talks in riddles. Better listen hard here...
- Ouch! Blinded saviour... hehe.. maybe he saves better when he's blind...
- Ahh, Zion. Wonder who did the concept art of those machines. sure looks primitive and ugly. Well, maybe that's the way it was meant to be. But I like how the place is so vast.
- Why do those councilors talk so slowly? Don't they feel the urgency of the battle against the machine?
- Ya. What's the point in fleeing if the only person who matters in this world, ahem, matrix, is lost to your forever?
- Action, action and more action. Quick! From above! Shoot 'em all down! quick!
- My gawd, so many of those machines...
- Where's Neo and Trinity?
- Quick, man! Move it, man! Ouch! that must have hurt...
- There they are. I thought Wenping said Trinity is gonna die...?
- Oh... ouch! So poor thing... she's dying juz like that? Sigh, ya... guess it won't be real if she doesn't die. No, Neo, you won't be alone. Trinity may be dead but she will always be with you if you really love and believe in her too. Hmm, wonder if Shaohao's the kind who's easily moved by such scenes? Hmm, sneak a peek at him.... can't see anything. oki, dun KPO. =P
- All this fighting sorta resembles the fight of elves n man n hobbit (yay!) against the dark forces of Saruman and Sauron. Movies are all like this eh...
- That's really corny. the machine talking. haha.. Why do I have the feeling the voice sounds like Morpheus'?
- Logically, Agent Smith is shorter than Neo, has shorter hands and legs too. There is no reason why Neo has to fight so hard to juz punch him. But hey, I think Keanu Reeves looks quite neat in this black robe thingy. Not bad...
- Look, if he really wanted to fight with bare fists, alone, why does he need to duplicate so many of himself? So redundant. following my logic just now, he should juz try to bank on the sheer quantity of himself, else he's no chance to even retaliate manzz... oh, tis is movies eh...
- There.. Neo doing the Superman stunt again. Quite funny actually. hee..
- Ya, the best way to destroy someone is to be that someone and juz let him piss himself off. Applicable to real life. noted.
- If Oracle said Smith is actually juz the negative and opposite of Neo, that means, Neo is actually dead already right... Hmm... Can ask Shaohao about it later.
- This Chinese Kungfu man is about the most mysterious character here. He hardly even gets to speak!
- Hello, Mr. Architect! Are you insulting us mankind? Duh!
- So, the moral is to believe in something and if you believe in it strong enough, it will become true?
- Well, not bad. Tied up the loose ends nicely, like Hadrian said. Much more action than philosophy as in Reloaded. N quite nicely done. At least, I din get bored by all the action after awhile.
- Cool. Good wrap up. Now, the ONE movie to wait for this year... Return of The King!!! I'm soooo excited! Revolutions was good, ROTK better be damn good!
- But, what would I do after ROTK? It's been a 3 years commitment, every Dec. What would become of me after this 3 years commitment closed its final chapter? Hate tis kinda feeling...
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 00:32
November 19, 2003
I've learnt one very important lesson about life throughout this year, 2003. That is, many times, you don't have to make decisions when you are caught in a dilemma or when you do not know what's the next step to take in the progress of a relationship. Because, life has its own ways of making decisions for you.
Ya, whoever's up there sure has a weird sense of humor. Many times this year, I find myself having to make decisions between choices that will affect me in 2 different possible and equally important ways. I was often caught in a dilemma this whole year. It's actually an internal struggle. And as I said yesterday, I often ended up talking to myself a lot and trying to weigh my options, priorities and then, come out with a decision that is the best if not most suitable for myself.
Only to find that after making the tough choice, the choice has already been made for me thru some weird twist of fate, some kind of joke. Time and again, therefore, I learnt that if you juz be patient and wait for awhile, you will probably realise that the decision has been made for you, the choice is already made and given no alternative really, you will juz have to make the best out of it.
So, these days, people like to ask me 'so, what's your next step?' or 'What do you plan to do?'. I think I know the answer. That is, I will do what life has in plan for me, and if there is no better alternative that I can determine, I will make the best out of what has been planned for me.
It's ironic, but it's true too. That, it's important to do what you love, but it's more important to love what you do when you can't do what you love.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 13:28
It's always a very difficult position to be in when you have to make a decision between interests (thereby, confidence n security) and practicality (thereby, unfamiliarity and challenges).
It's at times like this that I really feel like I'm beginning to know myself all over again. It's like sittin in front of a mirror asking yourself who exactly you are and what exactly do you want out of life. It's no simple answer, really. Exasperating questions even. But, if you juz stick thru the whole process, and don't piss yourself off, you will have to arrive at the answer, some call it the Truth (which hopefully you can handle), sooner or later.
The truth is also a universal truth. That, going where your interest takes you will definitely put you on the path of excellence and success, if not material, at least, personal success. I don't know about you, but personal success IS Success to me, unmeasurable by any of the Cs.
It's about not having regrets, not havin unecessary distractions, not having to say 'I wish I had...'; it's about having know for sure you've gained something, grown in some ways, having know time was well spent, having to say 'I'm glad I had'.
I guess, some people give up halfway when talking to themselves in the mirror. Probably cos a part of them is shouting 'vanity! vanity!' and they can't stand it. But, hey, what kinda person does it make you if you can't even stand looking at yourself in the mirror? haha... Some give up halfway cos the process is simply too tedious. So, they let the norms of this society decide for them, let the standard protocols passed down from generations before them dictate their destiny. And they juz follow, because it seems the best and most natural thing to do.
I never had problem looking at myself, gazing, staring at the image of me in the mirror. I adore myself. C'mon, folks, in this crazy world we live in, a bit of narcissism is not going to kill you anymore than terrorism. So, I look myself in the eye and decided. That, challenges are in every job, every piece of work and commitment you take upon yourself. Go where you are most comfortable and therefore, confident, and it's impossible not to excel with self confidence coupled with interest.
And then, I begin to know myself all over again. When's the last time you talked to yourself in the mirror?
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 01:31
November 09, 2003
I juz realised that almost everybody around my age are movie fans, meaning they go to the movies regularly. I also realised that most people actually remember details of the plot and the more insightful movie quotes. I also found out that for someone like me, who reduced my already meagre contribution to GV/Shaw/Cathay's profit since I was ejected from the mundanity of watching movies with bf, it's still important to stay tuned to the movie scene for accumulating conversational resouces purpose.
I also came to reaffirm for myself the reason why I always believe making new friends at every stage of my life is an extremely important thing. Simply cos it's from new people (who may or may not cross the line from acquaintances to friends) that you come to position yourself accurately in this big world. Old friends let you feel extremely comfortable to be with, cos you know and they know. But new friends, they let you see the other parts of the world thru showing you the little holes of your comfort bubble.
I've often felt small and smaller with every new group of friends I make. Not becos they intimidate me (cept a particular group which I shan't specify hee). But becos in sharing with you their own life experiences, you learn that there are more things you don't know about this place than those you know. That's intriguing.
A drop of water into the ocean may not make a difference to the ocean. But it warrants to give a series of ripples to the other drops around it.
Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 01:55